April Showers...and Weddings and Easter and Birthdays!!

Our April is jam packed with stuff to do. The first and last weekend we have weddings. The second (this past weekend) was my Dad's birthday. This weekend is the March for Babies for the March of Dimes and next weekend is Easter. It's nice to be busy, but sometimes I just want to lay around and do nothing, you know!?

A couple of weeks ago be bought a new car.... for me!! It's a 2011 Infiniti Q56, black with black interior and its freaking huge!! It seats 7 comfortably. I used to drive a small car and this is sooo different for me. I can drive it, but I have to admit that I have popped a few curbs. :-) I love it though and we are going to keep it forever... and hopefully fill it with kids. :-) 

This weekend is the March for Babies. Andrew and I are very excited. My parents and brother and sister in law are walking with us. I bought T-shirts for all of us for "TEAM AIDAN" and so I hope to post pictures after the event. To date we have raised over $2,000 for our team!! I am so amazed and excited. Next year my goal will be $5,000 and I'm going to start fundraising much sooner. I am just so happy that we could do something wonderful like this in Aidan's memory because he has given Andrew and I so much. 

I've been thinking a lot about Aidan lately...of course I always think about him, but recently it has been more and more not about his death but about his life and what he would be doing now. I wonder to myself how big he would be. Would he we walking? What would have been his first word? How many teeth would he have? When I see a baby boy now that would be his age I can't help but stare. I'm sure that the moms probably think I some crazy lady or something. I just can't help it. I can't help but think how different my life would be if he had lived. And I still cry for him daily. If God would come down now and say I can bring him back but you'll have to go with me, I would do it in a heart beat. If God said I can bring him back but you have to cut your own arm off, I would... without question. When your child is gone you never lose that love for them.... never. 

I'm looking forward to this weekend but I know it will be a very emotional day. I just have to prepare myself mentally and I'll be fine. 

We have decorated Aidan's grave for Easter. It looks great. When we are out there this weekend I need to take pictures and post them here. There are eggs, spring flowers, a bunny that says "Easter" and another bunny head that is stuck in the ground. We still go visit him every weekend and read him and all the other babies out near him a story. Sometimes I just want to lay there next to him for hours. I wish I could do that without looking like a complete lunatic. Honestly, I just like being there with him. I know that he isn't there, but it's sort of like my touchstone for him. Like church is your touchstone for God. God isn't only in church, He is everywhere but for whatever reason you feel closer to Him when you are there. That is how it is for me and Aidan. I can feel Aidan everywhere because I still carry him in my heart, but I feel closer to him when I am at his grave. 

I need to make it a point to keep up with my blog more. OK, now I'm talking to myself. 

I'm going to close with a very cute little story. I hope you enjoy...

So a couple of weeks ago I threw a bridal shower at my house and my Mom and best friend Bobbi came to help decorate etc. Bobbi brought her 3 year old daughter with her, Emme. Emme is adorable and very sweet. She went upstairs in my house to play while the women were down stairs with their drinks etc. We set up a movie for her and she bounced around on my yoga ball and was getting into everything. We hardly have anything up there so when she would ask me if she could touch things I just told her that there was nothing up there that she could hurt and she could play with whatever she wanted. She really liked that answer. Emme loves books and so I took her over to pick out a book to read from Aidan's library. We read a book and then I went down stairs to entertain the guests. Emme I guess decided she needed more playmates and grabbed my Mom and dragged her upstairs to read another book. My Mom loves kids so she went over and asked which book she wanted to read. This is what I overheard...

Emme says "Whose books are these?"

My Mom - "They are Aidan's books."

Emme - "Who is Aidan?"

My Mom - "He's an angel."

Emme - "Does he look like an angel?"

My Mom - "Yes"

Emme - "Does he wear Angel clothes?"

My Mom - "Yes"

Emme - "Do you think he is okay with me reading his books?"

My Mom - "Yes, Aidan loves books and he wants to share them with you. He loves it when you read his books."

Emme - "Oh, good. I love Aidan".  

Love, Me.