Busy Dizzy Days!

It is official, our sweet Abigail Lyn McCaffrey is here! She was born almost 3 months ago on Labor Day September 5th and has had us running around ever since!

We had an induction scheduled for September 8th, but I started having contractions at around 8:30 a.m. on Labor Day. I kept thinking and hoping actually that it was false labor as I had planned on taking a few days off before the induction to relax...but miss Abbey had other plans. After laboring for several hours her big ole head just was not going to be able come come out the old fashioned way and her heartbeat started to drop. Finally we rushed in for an emergency C-section and out she came screaming at the top of her lungs and beautifully pink and chubby. She was born at 4:15pm, 8lbs 5oz and 18.5 inches long....and she was perfect!

Since then we have been struggling with breastfeeding (now I pump exclusively), learning to lift our head up, starting to coo, smile, grab at things, loves looking in the mirror and is the biggest flirt....especially when it comes to Daddy.

I am so in love with this little girl I can't tell you. She makes getting up in the morning easier, her cries don't bother me, who cares about dirty diapers or thousands of bottles to clean...I love everything about her and am so blessed to have her in my life.

I'm starting back to work on Monday (December 5th)...and I am dreading it. Mostly because she will start daycare and a complete stranger will be taking my place. Someone else will be getting those smiles, those coos. Someone else will be holding her when she cries. Someone else will get the first steps, the first words...and I hate that. I love my job, I do, but I love her more. I wish there was a way to do both, but there isn't. I know this is the plight of every working mother, and I'm certainly not the first to have these feelings, but none the less. It hurts.

The lady who will be watching her is very capable and I know will take good care of her...it just stinks that it won't be me.

We just got back from visiting Andrew's parents/family up in St. Louis for Thanksgiving. We had a wonderful time and was so glad that Abbey got to meet everyone....but even in the midst of all the happiness over Abbey...in the pit of my stomach was the gnawing that something wasn't right...something was missing....and it was Aidan. I guess that will never go away...especially around the holidays. I kept thinking that she and her brother should be playing together, that Aidan should be playing with his cousin Shields as they would have been only 3 months apart. I hate that he is gone.

We have adopted a little boy from the Salvation Army Angel Tree. His name is David. He is 1 year old. We adopted this boy in honor of Aidan, as Aidan would have been 1 year this Christmas and we are planning to adopt a child the age Aidan would have been in the Christmases to come. I want this little boy to get the Christmas that he deserves...a Christmas as good as I would have made for Aidan.

I can't believe that it will be December in a few days. Time certainly moves quickly. We have planned Abbey's baptism for this Sunday and the whole family (including several members from my husband's family in St. Louis) will be there to celebrate. Abbey will be wearing the McCaffrey family christening gown which dates back to the Civil War. She will wear this to the baptism and immediately after at the reception at my parents house Abbey will be wearing a christening gown identical to the one Aidan was buried in. My mom had a beautiful christening gown made for Aidan in Ireland, ivory silk trimmed in blue. When she found out we were having Abbey she contacted the company from which she had ordered Aidan's gown in order to request one for Abbey, but the company had gone out of business. Well, she contacted the dress maker directly and spoke to her, telling her about Aidan, all we had been through and about Abbey. She agreed to make one more gown....one for Abbey. It looks just like her brothers, but instead of being trimmed in blue, it is trimmed in pink. I am so excited for my sweet girl and her big day.

I can't believe that I have been home for 3 months, that my baby girl is already (or will be in less than a week) 3 months old. I don't want her to get big. I want her to stay a baby forever. :-(

Well Ms Abbey has decided to get up from her nap and is requesting a ba ba (bottle)...Oh how I love this girl!

What is a Rainbow?

And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.” Genesis 12-15.

If you have lost a child, you already know what a "Rainbow" is.... it is the name for the child that is born after the child you lost. Your "Rainbow Baby" is a symbol that God has healed your heart enough to open it up to love again, that God has been true to the covenant... that He has not let 'the flood' destroy you.

Many of my family and friends have known for a while now...but for some reason I just haven't posted it here yet.... but here is my Rainbow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSbRQFO7SIw&feature=player_embedded

This is our Rainbow... Abigail Lyn McCaffrey!! She is due September 10th, 2011... 9/10/11!!

We have been through every test and ultrasound imaginable and she so far is perfect!! We are so incredibly blessed to have her join our family, and know that her big brother Aidan is looking over her everyday.

God is good.

Love,

Me.

July 27th, 2011 - One Year

On July 27th 2010 my sweet angel Aidan came into this world. He was perfect and beautiful and was immediately born into the arms of Jesus. I have never loved anything as much as I love him.

I held him for 7 wonderful hours and studied his every feature. I can still remember how his skin smelled his weight in my arms, the softness of his skin and hair and his little chubby cheeks and appendages. He looked so much like his daddy with a little of me and my family sprinkled in.

I can't believe that it has been now over 1 year since he was born. Sometimes it seems like yesterday and others it seems like a lifetime ago. Sometimes it is almost unreal all that Andrew and I have been through; sometimes I wake up in the morning and still can't believe I buried my son. And still, over a year later, I still cry everyday for him. I still miss him so much it physically hurts. I still would give my life for his if given the choice. I still have a chunk of my heart missing.

This year I took the day off of work. I had fully intended on writing in Aidan's journal, looking at pictures and ultrasound video and crying and laying in bed all day....but I didn't. My family and I started "Kindness Day in Memory of Aidan Jackson McCaffrey - July 27, 2010". We asked all of our friends and family to do one kind thing in memory of Aidan. It didn't have to be huge, or cost a dime, all we asked is that people do one nice thing to honor my son. I was so touched by how many people participated. People gave blood, donated money to charitable organizations, bought co-worker's lunch, donated canned goods to local shelters, picked up trash, helped another with their luggage at the airport, paid someone elses toll and countless other things. It was so wonderful.

I myself took 6 dozen cookies up to the Labor and Delivery Floor of the hospital where Aidan was born. My mother and I dropped off the cookies at the nurses station and explained to them all about Aidan, about how he was born here last year, about how he went to be with Jesus and about how wonderful all the nurses were to us. We wanted them to know that although they might not get the thank you they deserve everyday, they are valued and can touch people's lives and hearts, even when they don't know it. When we started to talk about Aidan I couldn't help but start to cry. I could see the room where he was delivered out of the corner of my eye, and so many memories came flooding back. I remember being wheeled in while having contractions. I remember seeing a flower on the back of a neighboring door knowing that soon I would have a flower on my door too. (flowers on a hospital door in the L&D ward mean there has been a death). I remember how cold that room was, about how quiet and peaceful it was when Aidan was born. I remembered how reverent everyone was in that room, how precious and sacred it was. How even though Andrew and I had tears streaming down our face we were smiling while holding our son. We were so happy to meet him and couldn't believe we had created something so beautiful and amazing.

I was so glad that I went to thank the nurses. I have thought about them often, especially Jodie who was my day nurse and was there when Aidan was born. She was an angel and I truly believe that God chose her to be with me on that day; I couldn't have asked for a better or kinder nurse.

So even now, 1 year later I miss my son terribly. But even now, 1 year later, Aidan is still changing the world, touching the hearts and minds to be better, to be kinder. The light of his life has yet to be extinguished, because it lives on through the goodness and actions of others done in Aidan's name.

One of the themes of Kindess Day was "Be the Change you Want to See in the World!!" Aidan made me a better person, a better wife, a better daughter, and better mother and I'm not going to let him down. I promised him that I would make him proud to be mine, that I wouldn't fail him... and I'm going to keep my promise.

Love, Me.

Hope

Once upon a time there was a little woman who walked along the dusty field path.  She was quite old yet her steps were light and springy and her smile had the fresh glow of a carefree girl.  She stopped at a cowered figure and looked down.  She couldn't recognize much.  The being that sat in the dirt on the path seemed to be almost bodiless.  The woman reminded her of a grey flannel blanket with human shape.

The little woman bent a little forward and asked:  "Who are you?"  Two almost lifeless tired eyes looked up towards her.  "Me? I am the Sadness." whispered the voice haltingly and softly, almost too soft to hear.  

"Oh, the Sadness!" said the woman, as pleased as if she had seen an old friend.  

"You know me?" asked the Sadness mistrusting.

"Of course I know you!  You accompanied me every once in a while over and over again on parts of my path."  

"Yes, but..." said the Sadness suspiciously, "why don't you run away from me?  Aren't you afraid?"

"Why should I run from you, my dear?  You know very well yourself that you attach yourself to everybody who tries to get away from you.  But, what I wanted to ask you:  'Why do you look so discouraged?'"  

"I am...sad," replied the grey figure with a broken voice.  

The little woman sat down at her side.  "So, you are sad," she said and nodded with understanding.  "Tell me what bothers you."  

The Sadness sighed deeply.  Was there really someone who would listen to her this time?  How often did she wish for that to happen.  

"You know,"  she started hesitantly and very astonished, "it's just that nobody actually likes me.  It is my destiny to visit humans for a while but when I show up they are scared of me.  They are afraid of me and try to avoid me like the plague."  The Sadness swallowed some tears.  "They invented phrases that they try to ban me with.  They say things like: 'Nonsense, I can't be sad.  Life is always bright and fun.' And their fake smiles give them stomach cramps and they have a hard time breathing.  They say: 'I just need to get over it,' and then they end up with heartache.  They say, 'One just has to put it all together and suck it up!' and then they feel all kinds of aches and pains in their shoulders and backs.  They say: 'Only weak people cry!' and the banked up tears almost make their heads burst.  Or they try to numb themselves with alcohol or drugs so that they don't have to feel me."

"Oh yes," confirmed the old woman, "I've met people like that before."  

The Sadness turned even sadder..."But all I want is to help humans.  When I am very close to them they can face themselves.  I help them build a nest to cuddle up in to take care of their wounds.  Somebody who is sad has very thin skin.  Old sorrows surface again like a bad healed wound and that can hurt a lot.  But who is able to face their grief and sorrow and cries?  All the uncried tears can truly make their wounds heal.  People don't want me to help them though.  Instead they put on a flashy smile on top of their scars.  Or they put on a heavy shield of bitterness."  

The Sadness was silent now.  Her crying at first was weak, then it became stronger and finally it was very desperate.  

The little old woman hugged her, caressed the shaky bundle and thought to herself how soft and gentle Sadness felt.  "Cry, Sadness, let your tears flow," she whispered full of love, "Rest so that you can gather your strength back.  From now on you shall not wander all by yourself.  I will join you so that discouragement and despair can't take over anymore."  

The Sadness quit crying.  She looked her new companion straight in the eyes.  "But...but who are you?"

"Me?" said the old lady with a smile on her face.  And then she laughed again like a carefree young girl, "I am HOPE."  

April Showers...and Weddings and Easter and Birthdays!!

Our April is jam packed with stuff to do. The first and last weekend we have weddings. The second (this past weekend) was my Dad's birthday. This weekend is the March for Babies for the March of Dimes and next weekend is Easter. It's nice to be busy, but sometimes I just want to lay around and do nothing, you know!?

A couple of weeks ago be bought a new car.... for me!! It's a 2011 Infiniti Q56, black with black interior and its freaking huge!! It seats 7 comfortably. I used to drive a small car and this is sooo different for me. I can drive it, but I have to admit that I have popped a few curbs. :-) I love it though and we are going to keep it forever... and hopefully fill it with kids. :-) 

This weekend is the March for Babies. Andrew and I are very excited. My parents and brother and sister in law are walking with us. I bought T-shirts for all of us for "TEAM AIDAN" and so I hope to post pictures after the event. To date we have raised over $2,000 for our team!! I am so amazed and excited. Next year my goal will be $5,000 and I'm going to start fundraising much sooner. I am just so happy that we could do something wonderful like this in Aidan's memory because he has given Andrew and I so much. 

I've been thinking a lot about Aidan lately...of course I always think about him, but recently it has been more and more not about his death but about his life and what he would be doing now. I wonder to myself how big he would be. Would he we walking? What would have been his first word? How many teeth would he have? When I see a baby boy now that would be his age I can't help but stare. I'm sure that the moms probably think I some crazy lady or something. I just can't help it. I can't help but think how different my life would be if he had lived. And I still cry for him daily. If God would come down now and say I can bring him back but you'll have to go with me, I would do it in a heart beat. If God said I can bring him back but you have to cut your own arm off, I would... without question. When your child is gone you never lose that love for them.... never. 

I'm looking forward to this weekend but I know it will be a very emotional day. I just have to prepare myself mentally and I'll be fine. 

We have decorated Aidan's grave for Easter. It looks great. When we are out there this weekend I need to take pictures and post them here. There are eggs, spring flowers, a bunny that says "Easter" and another bunny head that is stuck in the ground. We still go visit him every weekend and read him and all the other babies out near him a story. Sometimes I just want to lay there next to him for hours. I wish I could do that without looking like a complete lunatic. Honestly, I just like being there with him. I know that he isn't there, but it's sort of like my touchstone for him. Like church is your touchstone for God. God isn't only in church, He is everywhere but for whatever reason you feel closer to Him when you are there. That is how it is for me and Aidan. I can feel Aidan everywhere because I still carry him in my heart, but I feel closer to him when I am at his grave. 

I need to make it a point to keep up with my blog more. OK, now I'm talking to myself. 

I'm going to close with a very cute little story. I hope you enjoy...

So a couple of weeks ago I threw a bridal shower at my house and my Mom and best friend Bobbi came to help decorate etc. Bobbi brought her 3 year old daughter with her, Emme. Emme is adorable and very sweet. She went upstairs in my house to play while the women were down stairs with their drinks etc. We set up a movie for her and she bounced around on my yoga ball and was getting into everything. We hardly have anything up there so when she would ask me if she could touch things I just told her that there was nothing up there that she could hurt and she could play with whatever she wanted. She really liked that answer. Emme loves books and so I took her over to pick out a book to read from Aidan's library. We read a book and then I went down stairs to entertain the guests. Emme I guess decided she needed more playmates and grabbed my Mom and dragged her upstairs to read another book. My Mom loves kids so she went over and asked which book she wanted to read. This is what I overheard...

Emme says "Whose books are these?"

My Mom - "They are Aidan's books."

Emme - "Who is Aidan?"

My Mom - "He's an angel."

Emme - "Does he look like an angel?"

My Mom - "Yes"

Emme - "Does he wear Angel clothes?"

My Mom - "Yes"

Emme - "Do you think he is okay with me reading his books?"

My Mom - "Yes, Aidan loves books and he wants to share them with you. He loves it when you read his books."

Emme - "Oh, good. I love Aidan".  

Love, Me. 

March for Babies!!

Hello All!

Normally I wouldn't pander like this, but this really is for a good cause. On April 16th Team "Running for Aidan" (consisting of my family) will be participating in the March for Babies benefiting the March of Dimes here in Dallas, TX. After losing our son Aidan to a terminal kidney defect (MCDK), Andrew and I have participated in a number of events whose purpose is to improve the qualities of life for children. I hate soliciting donations, but this cause is so near to my heart that I am going to do so anyway.

Please feel free to send this information to your friends and family….any donation helps, even if its only $1.00.

Thank you!

Amanda

To Donate Visit my team Web page at

http://www.marchforbabies.org/team/t1534031

Would you like to see what March for Babies is and why I'm walking?

Click the link to see the video.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQ1CsZbjY0g

Aidan's story. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypk0P962JBM

If you would like to learn more about March for Babies, visit the Web site at

www.marchforbabies.org.

The March of Dimes mission is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality.

Radio Silence....

I'm sorry I have sort of been out of the loop. I have wanted to post a million times, and it wasn't me being "busy" or not have enough time that has prevented me...I just don't have much to say I guess. I still miss my son everyday, but everyday the pain is a little more bearable....although I still cry. I'll cry at random things. I'll cry at commercials, at other baby loss stories and sometimes I'll just look at Aidan's scrapbook and cry. Time is just flying by and soon it will be a year since he was born. To date it has been almost 8 months...I can't believe that I should have an 8 month old at home....although to look at my body, you would believe it. But, all the stretch marks and extra weight are just battle scars...my Aidan scars that I wouldn't give up for anything.

This weekend I am giving a Bridal Shower at my house for one of my surrogate brother's fiancée. My brother has two best friends, Gabe and Billy. They have been best friends since they were little and have always been apart of our family going on family vacations, Thanksgivings, Christmases you name it our door was always open. This is the first non-family event I've had at my house and it's sort of forcing me to actually DO things to my house to make it look lived in. I bought new chairs for our kitchen and drapes for the living room. I've hired a maid to come in and start cleaning once a month (which I really needed especially for the bathroom...I really hate cleaning the bathroom). So I'm hoping that this will start a trend and I'll really get my house "lived in". Ideally I would like to paint...but that is so darn messy, plus I know me...I would get sick of it eventually and want to change it...I'll do it eventually...all the walls are just so beige now. Hmmm.

In other news I went to a baby shower the end of February. I was actually really proud of myself for going. It was for a friend of mine who is having a girl due 3/29. If it was for a boy I might not have gone in all honesty. For some reason I can handle baby girl stuff better than boy stuff. The shower was very cute and the gals who threw it really put a lot of planning into it because it was beautiful. She got a bunch of cute stuff and it was generally enjoyable, but it put me in an awkward place....When you go to a baby shower there are women who have children and women who don't....I didn't really fit in to either of these groups. The non-mothers would talk about where they went out drinking the night before or dinner or the new bag they bought....I live in the burbs instead of the heart of Dallas like I did pre-pregnancy and we don't go out anymore so I didn't have much to say to them. The mothers would talk about their kiddos, how old they are, funny things they did about their birth etc.......my baby is gone, I don't have any cute stories to tell about Aidan, about what he did or said and if I started to talk about the birth I would have to go into the details of his death and since most of the women there were complete strangers I wasn't going to make them feel uncomfortable.

I guess I'll always be in a very small little group...the group of loss mothers. We have to deal with the ramifications of our child's death far beyond their burial and far beyond the birth of subsequent children. We have to deal with questions like "Do you have any children?" ---- Do I say Yes or No? Yes I have a child but died during birth?. Or "Is this your first?" ---- No actually my first baby died. Or, "How many children do you have?"----Do I answer 2 or include my angel and say 3?  Or, if you have all boys..."All boys huh, are you still going to try for that girl?" ------- Actually I had a girl, but she passed away. Loss moms constantly dread these types of questions, which seem to other people to be simple but to us seem complicated. You find yourself at a loss because you want to acknowledge the life of your child, but you don't want to freak people out or make them feel uncomfortable. I find myself avoiding social situations where I'll be introduced to new people because of questions like this.

I have started decorating Aidan's grave for various holidays. My parents started doing it with Valentines day they put out the cutest display and so I have taken that and now have his St. Patrick's display out and have a bunch of things ready to go for his Easter display. It's not much, but I'm going to do things for him, he is still my son and I love him. Here are some pictures of his St. Patrick's display...

I can't figure out how to un-rotate this one, but you get the idea. The sign says "I'm a Wee Bit Irish" :-)

Well, I have to get back to work and I'll try to post more often. I hope that everyone has a wonderful weekend!!



Love, Me. 

Wait....

A beautiful poem I wanted to share.....

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."


"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.


"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.


"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."


Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"


He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.


"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.


"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.


"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.


"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.


"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.


"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.

It's a New Year

So it's a new year. As each new year arrives we are supposed to look to the future. To new hope, to new beginnings. But as I approached this new year all I could think about was what the previous year meant. All my family had been through, all that we had gained and all we had lost.

Last year was the year of Aidan. In January of last year we found out we were pregnant. We were so excited. Not more than a few weeks later we saw his little heartbeat on the ultrasound screen. For those of you who have children you know what I mean when I say, it was the most amazing and wondrous thing I had ever seen. At only 6 weeks you could see his little heart flicker with life and you could hear it beat...so fast like a little bird. I remember grabbing Andrew's hand as we sat in that dark ultrasound room staring up at the screen; we were so amazed and we both started to cry....life really is a miracle. As the weeks went on we were so unbelievably happy at the thought of this little life joining our family...a little human that was being created inside me...half me and half Andrew. Then of course things changed and turned in a different direction. After Aidan's diagnosis day, June 4th, or D day as it is more commonly known in the baby loss realm, my life changed forever. However in those days that followed, I have never been closer to God. It's always in times of struggle or pain that you cling on to the basics, to the values of your core...your family...your spouse...your God. Everything else just seems insignificant. The weeks and months that followed were the hardest but some the most beautiful days of my life. When you know time is running out you try to pack a lifetime in those few days or hours that you are given....and that is what Andrew and I tried to do with Aidan....I just wish we had more time...I wish I was given a lifetime.

2010 was bitter sweet. I became a Mother for the first time, and Andrew a Father. I got to know what it was like to have life growing and wiggling and kicking in side me. I got to give birth naturally and I got to hold my child and ohhh and ahhh over his perfect little features. But unfortunately time just wasn't enough.

Now as I am starting a new chapter in 2011 I am looking to the future, but also remembering all that I have journeyed through to get here. I am trying to be hopeful. I am trying to trust in God that He will stick by me; that He will heal my still painful open wounds, that life will get easier and that I will know what it's like to be happy again.

So, in the spirit of new chapters I wanted to post the below. It is something that I am sure many have seen in chain emails (which I absolutely despise) but I just loved what this said that I wanted to post it here....(there is no obligation to forward to anyone. :-)

Allegedly written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

"45 lessons life taught me.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is    futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31 However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. (Amen!)

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Love, Me.