Today Sucked.

I think the title of this blog entry pretty much says it all. TODAY SUCKED!!

I have been on this crazy diet to lose weight. It goes by many names Dr. Ted, HCG etc. The cost that I paid for this miracle diet is probably the cost of most people's monthly mortgages, but I am just desperate to get this weight off. You are supposed to lose an average of .5-1lb a day...I know crazy, but true. Anyway, I had been doing great on the diet, no cheating at all, drinking lots of water and had been seeing pretty good results (ok I know it's only been like 7 days but still) anyway I woke up yesterday and had gained 1/2 lb. CRAP! So yesterday I decided to watch my salt intake and drink even more water in case it was water weight...I was peeing like every 10 minutes. Surely that was it...then this morning I get on the scales.. up another 1/2 lb. DOUBLE CRAP!! So I call the place/dr. where I signed up for this program and they said that it could be that I'm going to start my period, or water weight, or too much salt, or maybe I need a laxative. They told me to go out and buy this laxative tea. I've been drinking this stuff all day and still haven't felt anything! In fact, I feel more bloated now than ever, argh.

Also, I've had a really emotional day. I cried for a good 2 hours this afternoon. This grief stuff is interesting. One moment I'll be fine then something will hit me or I'll see a picture of Aidan and then I am a teary snotty mess. I even had to go to bed for a bit to get some good cries out. I just kept thinking about his chubby cheeks, his sweet lips and his adorable neck right where his smooth back and his wavy hair met. I can close my eyes and still feel him; I can feel the weight of him in my arms. I can think and remember what he smelled like and what his skin felt like against my cheek. I miss him so much.

More sucking...I go back to work on Tuesday. Not that that sucks actually because I like my job and the people (most of the people) I work with. Since I wanted to get a head start...and frankly I was bored...I decided to log into my office email. Oh, the absurdity of corporate America! Seriously, I was reading these email chains that I get added on to, back and forth arguing about the dumbest things...I just want to reply to all and say "If you people think that this is a major problem, then you don't know what problems are!" When the cleat of life has stabbed you in the face, it really makes your realize what is important. It's going to be all I can do not to tell people to 'F-off' when I am approached with such insignificant things when I start back to work...God give me strength.

Even more sucking...I found out that my Aunt has a tumor in her breast and will have it biopsied on the 13th. Her mother died of breast cancer so this is very concerning. We are all hoping and praying that it is benign.

In case you haven't been keeping up...within less than 6 weeks (this is weeks not months mind you), my son was born and died, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, my dad had been diagnosed with diabetes and my aunt found a tumor in her breast.

I KNOW!!!
So really the title of this post should not only be "Today Sucked" but "Today Sucked...and so did this Year!!"

I can't wait for this year to be over already....although the way this year has gone so far and how there has been bad news around every corner, as the days go on I'm almost afraid to get out of bed...What's next? I get hit by a car and all that is left is a talking head?...I bet even then my face will look fat! LOL.

Argh....wake me up when it's 2011.

Love, Me.